I have a few favourite typos and grammar mistakes. For example, confusing “Brian” with “brain” is hilarious no matter which one you meant to type. “Porblems” is always more entertaining than “problems.”

But the best is the misuse of quotations. Most common grammatical errors have some logical reason behind them, such as confusing words that sound similar (their/there/they’re; permeation/permutation), or mistakenly thinking they have the same meaning (which/that, imply/infer). But the misuse of quotations is different, because the common misuse – to add emphasis – is the complete opposite of a correct use – to indicate irony or unusual usage. By trying to draw attention to a word with quotation marks, confused writers actually express that the word is not what it appears to be. It’s almost like confusing “yes” with “no”; there is no logical explanation for it.

And since I love mystery and the haphazard stupidity of the English language, it’s my favourite mistake.

Examples:

Of course, for anyone with a basic grip on punctuation, this actually means the spoons are not fresh. They are old, rotten spoons. Maybe they should have been kept in the fridge.

This is the saddest place on Earth.

So I guess this means the washroom is for non-paying customers. Either that, or for customers who “pay” through some unusual and undoubtedly sexy method.

And you probably don’t want to eat here. *

Correct use of quotation marks isn’t very hard to understand. Come on, use your Brian.

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* The examples here, and many more, can be found at the “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks.