V and I spent our slack week doing what the week was made for: slacking. We figured slacking would be more efficient in a warm place, so we went to Cuba. Here are some pictures and stories documenting the trip.
The plane ride there was a blast. The Cuban airline isn’t as nice and fancy as Air Canada. I couldn’t understand what the hell the stewardess was saying over the intercom, even when she switched to English. She could have been telling us that our time on this earth is over…say bye to your loved ones…but all I heard was Spanglish babbling. The seat in front of me had a substance on it that resembled bloody snot, and even though I knew it would make me lose my appetite, I couldn’t stop looking at it as I ate. That was probably a good thing though, since the “beef” they served for lunch was covered in a shiny rainbow film, like it was covered in oil. Probably good that I didn’t eat it.
The airport had people in military outfits all over the place, which is a little alarming at first. We found the guy who was supposed to guide us to the resort, but he said our bus was full. He told us to get on another random bus. Whatever. Luckily it did take us to the right place…Brisas Del Caribe, which looks like this from the outside:
The lobby of the resort was full of drunk people. That’s because there are two bars in the lobby alone. Nice. Further exploration revealed that there were approximately three thousand bars at the place, all serving unlimited booze. The bartenders there don’t bother with little things we care about here…such as “measuring” and “not spilling rum all over the bar”. Every drink was at least a double. Plus they’re never the same twice. You can order a “Brisas” one day, and it will be a blue fruity vodka drink. The next day it will be a pink rum drink. It’s a surprise every time. My new favourite drink is the Mojito, which has tonic water, mint leaves, a bunch of sugar, and a whole lot of rum.
Yum. I also rediscovered the Grasshopper (chocolate liqueur, mint liqueur, cream). It’s not unique to Cuba or anything, but damn it’s good. I was mildly drunk the entire week, but never really DRUNK drunk. I guess your body gets used to alcohol when it’s all you drink. And yes, my shirt does say “Western Drinking Team.”
While the drinks were good, the food was … questionable. They seem to love ham and cheese there. You can get ham and cheese on its own, ham and cheese on a piece of toast, deep fried ham/cheese paste, or ham and cheese stuffed into a chicken (“Gordon Blue”, as the menu called it). The rest of the buffet was average at best…and unidentifiable at worst. V mostly stuck to bread, but I enjoyed some of the weird mystery food.
Our room smelled funny (as did most of the country), but it was good enough for sleeping. The bathroom, like the food, was full of mysteries.
Like, what the hell is this? It looks like a sink that’s a foot off the ground. At first we thought it was a urinal, but what’s the point, with a toilet right beside it? Then I thought maybe it’s for washing feet and babies. Some dude we met insisted it was a bidet…a fancy European thing that you shit in, then spray water onto your ass and balls to clean off. Just the fact that people think you should shit in the thing makes me sorry I ever washed my feet in it.
Whoa…ok…I looked it up in Wikipedia (Bidet). It probably was a bidet…which is for washing your junk off (but not shitting in), and washing babies. Um…yuck. Poor babies.
Speaking of washing and genitals, the maids would make fun sculptures with the towels they brought to the room. Here is one of them:
What is it? My guess is vagina. I suppose it could be a flower or shrimp thing, though. Who knows.
The bathroom also held this friendly reminder that the world cannot survive without water. Also, we cannot live without water. Don’t misspendit…pitchin.
OK, enough dumb stuff. The whole point of Cuba was to be in warm weather on a nice beach, and there was plenty of that. The weather was beautiful the whole time we were there, and the beach really is gorgeous. We spent the majority of our time just sitting on the beach or by the pool reading in the sun (though, strangely, neither of us got a dark tan). Here are some random pictures of the beautifulness:
I could write more, but I’ll save it for later. What I still need to cover: Lizards, The River Cruise, Communism/Anti-Americanism, The Rock Star, and CSI: Cuba. Stay tuned.